Why do women pompete?

Is positive femenine competivity?

How to detect it, causes and how to reverse its effects in something positive ...

Being ambitious may be an attractive quality that is even demanded in a man, but in women it is another matter.In addition, any explicit desire to access power and hold it, if it comes from a woman, seems to be viewed with some suspicion.

Apparently, a woman pretending to compete with a man already has her that, but since the competitiveness occurs between two women, then it begins to be assumed that behind said competitiveness there is a hidden and negative background. Maybe a personal problem, intention to interfere in the other woman’s life or anything else that makes us look bad. Of course, that competitiveness cannot be due to a healthy desire to outdo itself or to gain some power. What is true and stereotype in all this?


Competitiveness can be unconscious, irrational and destructive or just the opposite depending on your approach:

Does the situation sound familiar to you in which you sense a certain aversion to you from a friend or colleague and you don’t know why? On one occasion I joined a work team where all the members were women. I did not understand very well why, but from the first moment a colleague corrected me down to the smallest detail, and always with subtle destructive phrases made with kind words like: “do not show yourself with such an attitude with customers because blah blah. .. “, or having” verbal oversights “to ridicule me, like:” Oh, I have escaped such a thing about you …! Clearly it was not to her liking and I wondered: why do you feel threatened if She is the director’s favorite, and my duties have nothing to do with hers …

And vice versa, when a colleague, in an unfortunate comparison between a colleague and me in my favor, I – far from defending her – felt sadly satisfied and I think I was even noticed.

Even rivalries between friends when one of them tries to undermine the good relationship of the other two … 😕

This type of competitiveness could force us to bring out the best in ourselves, but also to see the best in other women, learn from them and be inspired by them and their achievements.

Here are some theories that explain this:

According to evolutionary psychology, and as a heritage from our past as hunters and gatherers, since they must protect their bodies from physical damage (and not interfere with a pregnancy and the possible future birth of a child), women resort to veiled aggressiveness towards other women (under exercises of verbal aggressiveness or under the cover of the own group) more than in the physical confrontation.

Feminist psychology attributes this indirect aggression to the internalization of patriarchy. Noam Shpancer explained in Psychology Today that as women consider themselves to be valued by men (their ultimate source of strength, courage, achievement, and identity) they feel compelled to fight other women for the prize. In short: when our value is linked to those who can impregnate us – men – we turn our backs on each other.

As Emily V. Gordon, author of “Super You: Release Your Inner Superhero” tells us: We are not competing against other women, but ultimately against ourselves … against what we think of ourselves. As we turn to look at the other women, many of us see nothing but a version of ourselves that is better, prettier, smarter … more. We don’t see the other woman at all.

 I am going to tell you some tips that I have compiled doing a little research, commenting with other women in my environment and my work experience has taught me from my humble body       of knowledge:

  • Establish a professional connection and, you never know, you two could end up having a very valuable and mutually beneficial relationship. Sisters – work together! Don’t pit yourselves up against each other. (From the book Girl Code, by Cara Alwill Leyba).

  • Instead of perceiving someone else’s success as your loss, or something that you’ve missed out on, start recognising these as a sign of hope for the future and as a medium of inspiration. With this mindset, I feel I’m gradually growing into someone that has nothing but pure happiness for my fellow successful sisters. Let us maintain an awareness of abundance, not of scarcity: there is sufficient success for all of us, the success of our companions must serve to inspire us.
  • When each of us focuses on being the dominant force in her own universe, rather than invading other universes, we all win. Imagine that you have a colleague who boycotts your work, try to show him that you are there to help him and demand that he also help you. Show him that together you can do a better job and feel stronger against possible external threats. I loved when my boss got upset because he covered my classmates. Then he explained what had happened and how to do better. Believe me, good friendships are born from these stories.

  • According to research by the University of Berkeley, true success is not domination by others, it is self-mastery in order to create permanent systems of success that make us mature professionally.

I honestly think that coming together, pooling your resources and networks, and boosting and helping one another is the best thing you can do for your career. Support each other and wonderful things can happen!

Next time you know an inspiring and successful woman have something to humble brag about, support her and reach out!

If something happens to you to add or that you think I have omitted, please, I am looking forward to finding out. And if you disagree with any point, tell us your opinion!


Stay well. 🙂